Contrary to popular thoughts and opinions, striving for delight doesn’t always make folks happy. Author Gary Weldon explains why – and what we should be working towards instead actually.
“Plus they lived happily ever after” may be the perfect ending to a lot of of our favourite fairy tales and romantic comedies.
We because interact with these stories, for many folks, they represent the dream we seek within our own lives – some sort of filled with endless happiness untainted by sadness, fear and pain.
The issue with this specific dream idyllic state is that it doesn’t exist, and the more we chase it, the more unhappy and dissatisfied we become.
Influencer posts are contemporary fairy tales
These days contemporary fairy tales are told on influencer posts through their social media marketing such as Instagram. Often everything seems so damn perfect in the fantasy world of social networking.
Often, all that is apparently missing from a great influencer’s selfie can be an graphic of unicorns prancing through areas of sunflowers pooping rainbows.
This can become a problem for those people not residing in these appropriate worlds – we could often acquire sucked into feeling that people are passing up on our share of joy and often belong to a state of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. This could lead us to wearing our ‘happy masks’, and pretending we have been living our best real life the remainder of our followers, After all friends.
This desire for happiness has generated a billion-dollar industry. The entire world is filled with 1000s of self-help gurus and books marketing the key to everlasting happiness. Several focus on the principle that in the event that you can preserve a happy frame of mind then you will soon be happy.
Everyone features their crap
When I first learn about positive affirmations, I thought “ah ha that’s where I’ve been going wrong”. I’ve entertained my mental poison. Ok, let’s resolve that. Let’s compose positive quotations. Recite positive affirmations. Grin. Now, keep smiling. Next, genuine happiness shall seek you away and embrace you want a warm pre-COVID19 hug.
Unfortunately, despite my new-found determination to my annoyingly content outlook I even so felt bouts of unhappiness. I need to be doing something very wrong I figured. We needed to bogus it until i allow it to be with greater conviction still.
So what if I had an accident on the real way to work – smile, smile.
Mum diagnosed with cancer – not a problem. Pretend to be delighted and happiness will discover you in just about any situation.
It ultimately dawned on me – everlasting happiness is really a suggest that exists only found in fairy tales really. In actuality life happens, and existence is filled with happy times, bad instances and meh times. I realised that individuals all possess our crap also, everyone.
Being a thinking person in the human race, it is sold with the territory. The Dalai Lama even, the most enlightened beings on the planet, has their own crap as evidenced by his estimate: “We can never get peace in the external world until we help to make peace with ourselves.”
Pretending to end up being happy just isn’t happiness
Pretending to be happy might have allowed me to temporarily fool everyone with my winning smile. On the other hand, in my own mind I knew that i had did not achieve my happily after condition ever.
The only thing I really could put this right down to was I even now had crap within my life and everybody else had theirs sorted.
The truth obviously is that of whether you’re man or woman regardless, super-warm/smart/wealthy or not, a criminal or the CEO of your personal company, everyone offers their particular crap.
You may pretend it’s not there. You may try and take care of the facade and conceal it, but despite your absolute best efforts it seems to discover a solution to reveal itself always.
Adopt an “all-weather” outlook
With the pursuit of eternal happiness relegated to the terrain of fables, where you should then you might ask?
The solution might lie to locate a continuing state to be that’s an all-weather outlook. Something that will help us drive out life’s highs and lows but enable us to savor the good occasions. A lifeline of sorts that stops us from getting dragged on to the depths of darkness throughout the bad times.
With this all-weather outlook came the realisation that happiness occurs at details over time, rather than being fully a continual state to be that is in a position to be sustained for some time.
This epiphany aided me to change my focus to where it ought to be – becoming pleased with my existence. I knowledge bouts of unhappiness nevertheless, but I remind myself this too shall complete and focusing on the basic principles by asking myself basically am ok today?
Acceptance, not dwelling
A state of contentment is all about being in a position to show up in as soon as and allowing you to ultimately authentically experience whatever emotion is acceptable in the circumstances. It’s about recognising that whole life is filled with pros and cons and that neither lasts forever.
By accepting where we’re right now rather than dwelling during the past (because it no further exists) or lifestyle money for hard times (it’s not guaranteed to take place), we’re able to appreciate the universe we exist in and just about all its wonders.